Thursday, December 10, 2009

Winter Blues



I've been feeling extra sad lately due to personal relationship drama with a guy who is supposed to be first, and foremost, my best friend, but who I just recently broke up with. I go through days of feeling perfectly fine about the whole thing. It was a lot of unneeded drama that I didn't need so it was a relief, in a way, to just say enough is enough. But at the same time, I'm completely heartbroken over it and I miss him in so many ways.  The day I ended it, I could only describe the way I felt as having a hole in my chest where my heart used to be. I've never had such an open relationship with a guy, but at the same time, we really didn't have much of a relationship....I could go on about it forever, but I suppose my point is I feel as though my life at the moment is one giant emotional rollercoaster that, for the most part, is usually stuck on the extreme highs and lows. 

I do feel rather proud of myself for ending something that was no good for me. I had never broken up with someone before. I'm always the one being broken up with. First time for everything I suppose. 

All that being said, I am very grateful to keep this guy as a friend. I really think that knowledge is half of what's keeping me from losing it. Breaking up usually means having to cut someone out of your life and I'm so glad that wasn't necessary in this case. I'm not sure where I'm going with this now, but I suppose I just need to be writing about this more often. It helps me focus on how I'm really feeling and handling everything instead of focusing on all the negatives that have me feeling depressed, which take pleasure in catching me unawares just as I think I'm feeling happy again. 

Well, here's to moving on.


Photo via Kristen at  Right through the very Heart of It.

3 comments:

Melanie's Randomness said...

I recently got dumped by my best friend. Him and I used to go do everything & talk everyday. However he wants me to just be his friend like nothing ever happened between us and I can't. Im glad that you can still have him in your life. I still can't figure out if I can have mine in my life. Let it out girl. I'm in a similar situation so I understand. It's hard, but you got people here for ya! Writing about things is a way to make things seem more real which may help to see through stuff. Hope your doing okay! *Hugs*

I ♥ NY said...

Hi Amanda! I'm sorry to hear about your break up... but it's good that you ended something that was no good for you! You should be proud of that... not something a lot of women can say they've done. Keep your chin up :)

OceanDreams said...

Aww, I am sorry about what you are going through but I am so glad that you are able to move on and be happy, because you deserve it!!

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