Friday, February 5, 2010

Everything happens for a reason...

...That's what everyone's been telling me lately. But it can be difficult to see the sunny side of life when you've just been fired from your job, which I was last Friday (hence, my week long absence from blogging). And this wasn't a job at some large company where being laid off was to expected. I was completely shocked. Flummoxed. That's a good word for it. I went in for a meeting with my boss in the late afternoon, which was a  completely normal occurence, where he told me that that day was my last day. Hardly any explaination. Just like that.

Needless to say, this last week I've felt like my whole world has been turned upside down. I couldnt even get my head around the concept of not having a job for the first few days. Not to mention how emotionally distraught I already was over the loss of my best friend. All in one week, some of the biggest pieces of my life just gone.


Now I am in the process of packing up my apartment, the only place that has ever been my own, to move in with my mom in her two bedroom apartment in Oxnard. It will just be temporary until I can find a new job and a new apartment. But considering I don't know what I want to do, that may be a month or two. Just wrapping my head around living at my mom's again is quite enough for me, let alone trying to find a new job. And I have to quite agree with my mom when she tells me I should take a break for a while. The prospect of not having to work every day 9-6 sitting in front of a computer for someone who drives me nuts sounds absolutely lovely.

Still, it makees me nervous that I don't know what I want to do. I've always known what I wanted to do. Maybe that's been the problem. I suppose I never really thought it through. Just went off to the first design college I knew of right out of high school, got a job a few months after graduating and I've been working since. Just recently, after meeting that best friend of mine who is no longer my best friend, have I come to realize that Interior Design is not something I want to continue doing full-time. At least, not the way I've been doing it.

Of course, I know what I really want to do and that's writing. I'll be sure to be taking advantage of the free time I have now to get as much writing done as possible, but in the long run, I do require some means of supporting myself until I can support myself exclusively through writing.

In the meantime, I'm just trying to get all my crap packed. Again. How many times have I done this now?! It feels like a million, especially in the last 8 years. I hate moving. I'm trying not to complain...too much. I feel I have some rights to complaining considering the curcumstances.

On the other hand though, it's ridiculous to complain about having somewhere to go when most people wouldn't. I would imagine that for most people in my situation moving home would mean moving to a different state, if their parents allowed them to move back home in the first place. Yes, I am truly lucky to have my mother. My father doesn't even care to know I've lost my job, nor would he help if he knew. My mother has filled both roles of mother and father for a long time now, not to mention the role she has been filling for some years now of a friend. I truly do not know what I would do without her.

I have to say that I am enjoying not having to get up at a certain time or worrying about not being able to escape my noisy neighbors for a night at my mom's because I have to work the next day. Having a fulltime job is just so restricting! I do wish I could take this very well deserved time off of mine to go visit Europe or something. Alas, money is not something I have in excess at the moment, otherwise I wouldn't feel the need to move or have a fulltime job in the first place lol.


Saraharmony said...

So sorry to hear you lost your job!

It is sometimes so difficult to work out where to go from here, but I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. Leaving that job may open up a whole new world of opportunities for you. Sometimes we need time and space to think about what we really want (something a full time job doesn't allow).

Good luck with the move x

Hermione said...

Oh, gosh, I am so sorry to hear all of this!
If you're friend is still alive (?), I'm sure things will be fine again. And if they aren't, you're probably better off anyway.
And the job, well... You'll see that with time this will have been a blessing. Maybe you needed to re-articulate your goals? Maybe you can do something that's related with interior design but not directly? I am sure this will open up new and great possibilities! I remember reading an article on the recession a way back, about the way it's forced a lot of people to ask themselves what they really want. I know that's what happened to me. One year later, I'm so much happier than I've been in years. Don't give up on 2010 just yet. :)

OceanDreams said...

So sorry this happened to you and I hope everything works out alright! I know that you will find something that is right for you and glad you are staying positive through it all! I was laid off a year and a half ago so I understand.

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