Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Day 7: Fears

image via pinterest
I've always thought I had a lot of fears. There have been things I feared a lot as a kid that I've gotten over, like my fear of dogs. I was terrified of dogs. I either had a nightmare of being attacked and bitten by one, or one actually did semi-attack me. Most likely both, but I can't remember. To this day, I have a hard time with large dogs. I don't like them to jump on me.
But the things I legitimately fear the most are:
Never finding my husband
Tsunamis (I've had nightmares)
Public speaking/singing in public
Heights (but not extreme ones, like the Empire State building. More like being on the roof of a two story house.)
Bees and hornets (I just really hate any insect that buzzes)
Getting my blood taken (or having a needle stuck in that part of my arm for any reason)
Injuring myself in any way, which kind of goes with heights: I'm afraid of falling. I'm starting to wonder if this is really a fear of physical pain (this has literally kept me from doing numerous things, though I've never broken any bones or even sprained anything, and the reason I've never been athletic. I'm not sure I'll ever be comfortable with knives in the kitchen, I'm just that afraid of cutting myself.)
Being attacked (raped, mugged, being in the house when someone breaks in, etc.)
Looking at this list, I'm wondering if I should go see a therapist....Because I'm seeing a theme: fear of bodily harm/pain. Now that I think of it, I worry quite often about getting cancer too. I'm already suspectible to skin cancer and see a dermatologist regularly. And I am genuinely obsessed with my body being healthy. I honestly don't think it's a fear of death, though. The idea of death just seems so abstract in my mind. I haven't had much experience with it. (I feel the same way about love: it's a very abstract idea and I know I can't force it -well, I mean, one could force death commit suicide, but that's a very different thing. Death is not abstract to someone who wants to commit suicide. It's very calculated- and I won't have much control over it when it happens (love and death). How interesting. I think I'm having an epiphany right now....


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