Monday, April 28, 2014

Love

love photo: Lovely Holding_hands_by_homarte-1.jpg
On the flip side of this post from two weeks ago about the power of words, mostly that of hate, I thought I'd talk about love, which follows the theme of my last post. (A side note: I don't consider hate to be love's opposite, that would be apathy. The opposite of hate, I'm not so sure about. Thoughts?)

Love is even more powerful than hate, but I've noticed it doesn't have the same weight when it's thrown around in a flippant way. We say things like, "I love that food," or "I love that movie," or even "I love that idea." We don't really love these things. We are excited by these things, we enjoy these things, we are inspired, but for some reason we are using love as a shortcut. Why is that?

Love is at it's most powerful in it's truest forms. The love you have for your family, your best friend, your other half. I would say this kind of love can even be extended into how we feel about what we do best, whether it's a career or something that's just a hobby.

I fear using something so powerful--the only thing in this world with true meaning--and making it mundane and powerless is just as dangerous as throwing around the word hate. How can we expect to understand real love when we finally see it if we've made it something so meaningless? I think this is the root of failed marriages and relationships. The reason so many of us feel unworthy of love on a daily basis. It's like eating caviar every day. You'd enjoy it for a while, a week maybe, then it's taste would lose it's potency, it's true value.

And if we can't have love for ourselves, what do we have to give to others? Our lives are like bank accounts. You have to save up that good stuff, that love, those positive affirmations until you're life is so abundant the world gives it back you two-fold. Then there's no more saving, just giving.

I tried this love and prayer idea for something that was really bothering me this weekend and I feel like I failed at it miserably. Am I really that void of love, that desensitized that I can't even send out a small wish of love to another living being? I'm always so focused on finding my husband, on finding love for myself that I'm blind to the love I already have around me. And the energy I'm wasting worrying I'll never find him, that should be spent toward love for myself. Loving myself, so that I have love for others.

My question is, why does it feel like love is so much harder than hate? Why does that negative catch from a small spark and spread like wildfire, but love is a slower, different kind of fire? Is this just my perception? My thought is that love's slower building fire is everlasting, whereas hate's burns out quickly. I do like that idea.

I keep telling myself I need to have more love for me as a person because how will any man love me if I don't love myself? But I can't seem to wrap my head around the how. How do I love myself? Now I'm thinking it's a relationship. With myself. Something that builds and builds until you have this amazing thing that lasts and continues to build for the rest of your life. I think I like myself enough that I could grow to love myself for the rest of my life.

That is, after all, what we're here for, isn't it?
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